Raincouver

I have begun building the Ark. I'm having trouble rounding up pairs of animals... I never really thought about it, but that must have been the hardest part for Noah, man... How the hell are you supposed to gather up a pair of friendly lions? I don't even think Ace Ventura could get two of each animal onto a fricken boat. I thought I might have found a pair of gorillas, but it turned out to be a curiously hairy Indian couple. If this torrential downpour doesn't stop soon, I'm just going to have to forget the animals, grab some hooters girls and sail away into the sunset. Oh, and there's room for Kelly, too...

I'm not sure which I hate more - the -40's in Calgary in winter, or the neverending rain of Vancouver. I've heard that summer here is amazing, but all I've seen so far from behind our sliding glass doors is rain and clouds. Stupid precipitation... It's rained for every single soccer game we've had so far. I would have written a letter of complaint, but I'm not sure where to send it - what's God's address anyway? I don't even think he reads his letters, the jerk... He only answers those stupid prayer things. What kind of management skill is that, diversify for God's sake... haha.

I've been absolutely soccer crazy for the last few days, with the world cup having started. I also started in a soccer league which is absolutely fantastic - I'm pretty much the only white guy on the team, so it's gotta be good soccer. So yesterday, I figured I'd do some training, get my fat ass in shape, so I donned my cleats, got my soccer ball, and went for a nice long run. I found a soccer pitch beside some school, and I practiced my shooting for a while. It was actually a decent day yesterday, with no rain (at least while I was out), so I took the old shirt off and was just running around, kicking the ball, sweating up a storm, having a gay old time of it. After doing some footwork drills, facing the net, for about 10 straight minutes, I turned around and found an entire junior high gym class standing not 50 yards from me, schoolgirls giggling and teacher staring nervously at this potential sweaty-soccer-pedophile. Apparently, school doesn't end for a week. I quickly put my shirt on amidst whispers of "Who's that" and "Why's he so sweaty", and ran home to my girlfriend.

Well, no soccer for me today, after yesterday's embarrassment, but I do have some softball; I joined the Red Robin softball team! I'll be playing shortstop or field, depending on how much everyone else sucks. I'm excited for the big tournament, which is tomorrow, where I get to drink myself into a coma while playing some half decent ball. Should be a grand old time!

Spiker